Shock news from the hospital : part 1: There is no "Critical List"



Muamba still on the "critical list" ? 

An update on the radio this morning cautiously warned us that while Bolton midfielder Fabrice Muamba, who collapsed in the middle of a game last week, is showing signs of improvement in a London hospital, he remains on the critical list.

Mysterious.

What is he doing lurking on something that is no more than a figment of a hack's imagination?  He's not going to get better hanging round there.

Journalists and novelists love to think that beady-eyed administrators clutching clipboards wander the hospital wards looking for people whose pale skin and sunken eyes hint at imminent collapse of their kidneys or heart, and so who deserve to be added to

 the "critical list" .. 

  

.. that instead of getting on with the mundane business of treating patients, nurses or doctors spend their time continually weighing up heart rates, blood urea levels or CURB scores before ringing up Joe in the office to say "yeah, put him on the list, guys.." 

  

And what would the hospital do with such a list ?

Use it to drum up publicity about in the local paper about the heavy demands

on the hospital's hardworking healthcare team and how threatened budget cuts would mean a speedy demise for those on The List ? 

Wave it in front of litigation lawyers  ?

Reassure relatives that their loved one has a special place in the hospital's daily bulletin ?

   

I don't know of a hospital anywhere in the country which has a "critical list"

There is NO critical list. Get over it.